Life after the Fire

our house after the fire

    I may have lost everything but one thing I am most sure is I have something and that is Strength. I never thought I have such ability. It is true that you can feel your strength in the experience of pain. When that tragedy happened I felt so alone my husband was million miles away from me, I cannot call him nor message him, I saw people  around me panic, crying and shouting. I remained calm, in fact in my mind I started to plan what will be my next move, where will we stay for the night, where will we get food, where would I get our clothes. I choose to stay calm for the sake of my two children, I do not want them to see me worrying, I want them to feel normal no matter how hard the situation.

 That day, I tried to perform my responsibility as much as possible. I reported to the office of the City Social Welfare and Development Office (CSWD) and they promised me cash assistance that until now I haven't receive. I also reported to the Barangay Office and they give me food assistance consisting of five (5) kilos rice, noodles, and few canned goods and with matching picture with some politicians (politics!!). They also promised cash assistance but so far no good.

I was just thankful with my office mates that they help me financially. I was able to buy new clothes to wear, some pillows and slippers for my children. My problem now is where we will stay for the night, some of my relatives say that it is bad luck for the owner of the house to accommodate fire victim even for one night. Good thing my neighbor who was not affected by the fire offer their house for us. They have room for rent, they offer it to us free, and it is air- conditioned! That was I needed after a long, tiring and very hot day!

  

There were people whom I do not know who send their help and donated their clothes to me and to my kids and I was very thankful to this people.

The day after the incident, I act normally as if nothing happens. I go to the office and do what I usually do in a normal situation. I even reported to the Bureau of fire.

Sometimes I think I was in my denial stage but as the days goes by I always ask myself if do I really regrets the things that I've  lost. Honestly, I have no regrets because I know and I am deeply convinced that those things will be recovered soon. Though some of them are irreplaceable but for as long as I have my family I know we can always make new and much happier memories.

    

This girl is on Fire!

Just when I am ready to write a blog concerning the life of OFW, there is always something personal happening on me and so I always end up writing my owned experienced. Last September 23, 2013 the house where I lived for seven years was lost due to fire. I never thought in my life that I would experience such catastrophe. It was still clear on my mind what had happened on that fateful Monday morning. The sun shines so bright on that day, it was actually a perfect day so I thought, I remember I woke up so early on that morning to prepare food for my children and because I have so much time left I went through my collections of CD's and actually listened my favorites, one with Jim Brickman on My Romance an evening with Jim Brickman it is a gift of my husband to me on his first trip to Miami, Florida, I also played Shania Twain and Phil Collins (Oh, I miss them already!) Aside from photographs of my family and my children that I carefully collected through the years, for me those things are irreplaceable.

a 1976 picture of my husband

 After my eldest son went to school, I prepared myself and my youngest son for office on that day, until today I'm still very thankful that I brought my son to the office because my mother in-law who takes care of my youngest was not there at the time and I usually left my child to my brother in-law who lives with us. It was just five minutes after I left the house when my brother in-law running towards me and shouting that our house was on fire, my first reaction was to run to our office to call for a fireman, it only take ten minutes from our house to our office, but when I arrived at the office my office mate already called the fireman.

few of the picture i got after the fire

 I left my youngest child to the office and I run again towards home, I saw that
my neighbor's house was already burning and our kitchen was already on fire, and because I want to save my important documents I tried to go up stair but I did not make it because I lock the door to my room and I know I cannot open it because I was already trembling and below our room is our kitchen and it was already burning and Bolt our faithful dog was beside me barking so loud, I did not mind the dog at the time because I was so busy saving things, and so I turn to our living room, I tried really hard to save my TV because it has sentimental value on me. I got it on my first salary on my first job. I scream so loud hoping to find help but no one help me, everybody was afraid to go inside our house except for Bolt our dog, but in-spite of loud barking, I have no choice but to let go, I have to release the TV or else I will be caught by the fire.

 I run so fast without looking back. I still heard my dog barking, I thought Bolt followed me but someone told me that our dog was still inside our house but  I'm still  hoping that my dog followed me and Bolt was just there somewhere.

After the fire we found Bolt under my TV my faithful dog did not make it. Maybe Bolt chooses to remain inside our house to show me that I may not have save anything  except for the dress that I wore on that day but I have loyalty and that was I needed most at the time.

A Mother's Instinct

A week ago, my son was very ill. He was having a high fever. I panicked because I thought it was a dengue fever   (Last year my son diagnosed with dengue fever 1), but my doctor said it was just tonsillitis. However, after three days my son started to have a diarrhea, so I brought him to a chiropractor (manghihilot). It is a common practice here in our  province that once a child is sick we always go to a "manghihilot" because the child is either have gripes, flatulence, flu, sprains or bone dislocation. It's up to you how much you will pay for a "manghihilot," for me 20 to 50 pesos is enough. But then my child's fever did not go down and his diarrhea continued. I started giving him oral re hydration salt ( ORS ) to avoid dehydration. My elders told me to let my child eat a banana (Tundan variety) to stop his diarrhea. 

my little child

However, my son’s diarrhea gets worse, he was already weak, and he will not accept food or water anymore. So I decided to bring him to the hospital, but along the way I change my mind, instead of the hospital we landed into the house of an herb doctor (albularyo), hoping that he could answer the questions that was bothering my mind, why is it that my child always get sick? Is someone wrathful who make evil things to us? Did we disturb those spirits living in the big old tree? We live in a sixty year old house and in front of it is a big old tree. The elders always remind us not to go near that big tree.

So the herb doctor check my child he gently blew the fontanel of my child and he get the pulse and after awhile he said that my child was having an indigestion and none of my inquiries are true. He then applies liniment (coconut oil) into the body of my child. He said that I have to get three kinds of leaves, star apple leaves, guava leaves and custard apple leaves (atis leaves). I have to get the leaves before sunset or before it gets dark and it was almost five o'clock in the afternoon at that time.

So in the midst of a very busy street and traffic, I manage to run from street to street hoping and praying that I will find those leaves, luckily I found the two leaves except for the custard apple leaves. Now my problem  is, where can I find those leaves and it is almost five thirty in the afternoon. Someone told me that many of that trees where slash by typhoon sendong two years ago. I decided to go home but on the way a lady approach me and told me that she has a custard apple tree in their house, and when I saw it, I was so happy I almost hug it! I picked seven leaves and boiled all the leaves in three cups of water.

However, my child would not drink it so I use syringe and put it in his mouth. But after awhile my child started to vomit and I already saw a sign of dehydration. Immediately I brought my child to the nearest hospital.

We stayed in the hospital for four days. It turns out that my child was having an intestinal amoebiasis with moderate dehydration.

In the hospital, while I am gazing at my child sleeping in his bed. I look back and wonder what led me to think and decide, to bring my child to an herb doctor instead of bringing him to the hospital? As a mother, my instinct told me that my child needs a real doctor but I refuse to listen.

Though, I still believed in the power of herbs and the ability of an herb doctor, but sometimes you cannot always rely on them. Until now, I still have my fears and maybe guilt for not listening to my instinct.I'm just thankful that my child is in good health now.

OFW: How to Avoid Miscommunication in a Relationship

I noticed that miscommunication is often the root of the many problems of Overseas Filipino Workers (OFW) and their families. We may not be aware of it but miscommunication if not promptly dealt with can lead to the destruction of our homes and our families.

Although the means of communication is no longer a problem of OFW's, thanks to technology, we have many options to choose such as skype, viber, ym, emails, twitter and facebook. Magic jack seems like a gift whenever there is a desire to talk longer with our love ones in the US, it's free. But first we must learn the ways of communication, because communication is very crucial to the survival of the family and is vital to the survival of a relationship. However, mastering the art of communication is not easy especially for OFW's   and their families; were both are required to put a lot of effort to re- learn the ways of communication.

There are many ways to communicate but I want to focus on the most essential and always ignored part of communication.Let us explore it.  

1. Learn to share your feelings- Most of the time when we communicate, we are willing to discuss only our viewpoint, our principles our opinions; we are afraid or shy to express our feelings. Most of us treats our relationship like it's a business, we always discuss money and where it had gone and why it had gone so fast, without knowing it our conversations always ends with frustration and resentment.                    

My husband and I communicate no more than three times in four weeks, he is a seaman, and our means of communication is merely through mobile, that is why every time we communicate we always ensure that we clearly understand each other. We discuss not only our problems but as well as our feelings. When I feel that he is depressed, then I have to refrain from saying or discussing things that could make him more depressed.

Be sensitive to each others feelings but don't be afraid to express it, don't make your partner guess what you want, say it directly; don't hope she or he will figure it out. If you are happy, depressed, angry, confused or hurt share it! Don't hesitate to say "I love you" to your husband or wife or even to your children. You might not know, maybe that's the only way to lose the coldness and strangeness you feel from each other and it always feels good every time you end your conversation with saying "I love you". As much as you want to know the fact you must also give importance to the feelings.

There are times that we want to confide our deepest thoughts and inmost feelings-heart to heart (no lies, no secrets!) but we are afraid to do it, because it might change the situation, she or he might lost interest in us or worst she or he might leave us. But no matter how hard it is we must take courage to do it, because by doing it we can build  trust to a relationship and knowing that we can always talk openly to each other with no boundaries; it will gives us security that whatever happens there is always a chance for a reconciliation.

         2. Learn to listen - as Peter Drucker said "The most important thing in communication is to hear what isn't being said." 

Once, I knew a couple whose husband works abroad for 20 years. The first 15 years of their marriage is fine, they build a beautiful house in an exclusive subdivision, send their children to one of the best school, and have nice cars and unlimited vacations. But one day they just stop talking to each other. Their families wonder what had happen. And then the wife confided that her husband hired a detective to follow her wherever she goes because her husband heard a rumor about his wife. This hurt the wife so much. They start fighting, blaming and pointing fingers to each other. None of them are willing to listen. Until they were tired of fighting and they just stop talking. For five years they have no communication, until one day the wife receives news from his husband that he could no longer work due to illness. The wife receive the husband and after five years they talk again, this time they stop blaming each other instead they confide their true feelings and both of them listen to each other.

Though it is crucial to master the art of expressing feelings, it is also important to practice the science of active listening, for these are essential keys to effective communication, and communication is necessary to conflict resolution.

Bonus tips!

• Communicate regularly with your love ones.
• Make a schedule or routine when you call your love ones.This will make him/her secure.
• It's okay to fight but fight fairly and with webcam on so that you can see each others expression.
• Avoid talking about money too much, unless it is necessary.
• Always show respect and avoid criticism when you're talking with your husband/wife on the phone.
• Constantly communicate appreciation when you see one. This will bring blessings to both of you.
• Make it a point of duty to express love to each other frequently. 
• Lastly don't forget to say I love You.

Finding my ways into blogging

I thought that writing for a blog would be easy as 1-2-3. However, it's been almost three weeks now since I started to have this blog account and still it is empty. I have so many ideas in my mind, but I cannot put it in writing. Aside from being new at this kind of endeavor (still finding my ways with those HTML, Links, jQuery, CSS and www. Whatever!!!) I also have no confidence in my writing skills.

But because I really wanted to reach out to others and share my ideas with other people, I tried very hard to start writing and thus finding myself writing this entry and  making this as my  first challenge. I started writing various topics a month ago, but I am reluctant to publish it here because I am not sure whether the people will accept it or reject it.

Nevertheless, I still have to find my courage to write because I love writing; it is my childhood dream to become a writer (aw!). I remember when I was in high school, I was asked by my teacher what I would want to become in the future, so that she can put it in our yearbook, and I remember I told her I wanted to become a journalist so that I can write anything and everything in this planet. But sad to say I didn't launch a journalist's career, (by the way I'm into accounting right now). Back to my yearbook, one day as I flip through those pages ( i do it sometimes!) I came across a speech of one of my classmates, and it is about our "future to be" there she mentioned that I am an accomplished journalist writing some of the biggest accomplishment of one of our classmates (Laughing out loud!). It was just a presumption, but it gives me inspiration to go back again to my first love, which is writing.

Thus, when I found this opportunity to write, I made up my mind that I would not pass this opportunity again. Though I am not an accomplished journalist and even far from being an ideal lifestyle blogger, I am still happy that I can share my ideas to all of you through blogging. I hope that you will follow my blogs in the coming days as I write some simple lessons in life, learning experiences and anything that touch's life.